////

i wish i had never fallen in love.
love; to me, doesn't die.
it's merely passed onto another person and if they refuse to let it confide within them.
it'll find another host.
i'm sick of it.

amore.

we were sitting in my room, on my bed the only lights were from your eyes
and in their reflection i tried to keep the grin from my face.
suddenly, you leaned in close to kiss me and i swear,
not a single force on earth could have stopped the trembling of my hands.
i felt a sudden pain as your teeth left a mark in my skin,
i felt the pain travel from my neck and run straight down my spine
moving like a train, stopping inside the knotted stomach of mine.
it then race into my lungs and stole all the air from my chest.
i took a breath atop a breath and nearly choked on the air,
my throat was blocked by my heart trying to climb out.
to escape, to finally be with you.
you're the only girl on earth i want to have it, please don't prove me wrong.

falsehood.

like killing a bird with two stones, this is a waste of time.
throwing our hands to the heavens, praying. always praying.
stop selling yourself short.
absolution is not floating in the clouds.
keep reaching higher, your fingertips are still dry.
hanging above us are the great balls of fire.
each so magnificent but blinding.
"look!" cried the stable boy, "god!"
believing in falsehood can leave you blind.
god is not floating in the clouds, god is what you draw from inside.
splitting a river down the middle, fuck it.
i'll swim there on my own.

/

i wish i could be poetic right now, i really do.
i'm just too fucking angry. i'm just too fucking sad.
whatever.

vegas.

sixteen years, sixteen years of forcing this bullshit down my throat.
we're birds. this is our cage. forced to mingle with the other captives.
relationships forged, like houses. built on fragile legs and foundation.
a hurricane is approaching and i'm wishing many of you get carried away,
fly away. forever.
grow the fuck up, realise your faults. your house is no stronger than anyone else's.
better suited to a casino because they're as flimsy as cards.
i'm counting the days until i leave this place.
although, i''ll just be travelling around las vegas, i'm sure i'll wind up in more casinos.

/angry blog

mary jane kelly. ~draft

artists carry about their work using many different tools.
a painter, his brush. a poet, his pen. a murderer, his knife.
most choose to stick to a single method. stealing breath with images, words or displays of grotesqueness
but i, i choose to portray my artistic flare over these three mediums.
artworks can encourage many emotions from glee to depression, some even arousal.
that small minority of art that evokes arousal, you cannot be satisfied by simply observing the artwork,
you must awaken the inner artist and train your hands to speak to you, for arts sake.


my finest piece 'mary jane kelly.' how i'd have loved to have hung her upon my wall
but i only took the most important part. i know her love will always be with me.

i'll cut you from ear to ear to ear,
from ear to ear to ear. from ear to ear to ear.
i'll make you smile forever. i'll make you my perfect little angel.
i'll cut you from ear to ear to ear,
from ear to ear to ear. from ear to ear to ear.
my perfect little angel.

untitled #3

i wish i was stronger, i really do.
i wish i could hold you above my head and shout 'this is it, this is what we've being searching for.'
those wasted nights don't seem so long now.
forever is ahead and it's a long, dusty road.

the stars shine so much brighter now you're with them.

summer hadn't quite started but it felt like it had. the sun was sleeping, the moon was playing.
my skin was warm to the touch by my heart was so cold. november sixth, two-thousand and nine.
there were so many faces passing by but i managed to catch a glimpse of one.
i swore, i saw you amongst the crowd. i swear i saw your breath on the glass.
why here? why in a place so far from home?
i don't think i ever saw you cry, well i haven't stopped crying since.
it was comforting to know my best friends and i were in the same place as you, if only in spirit.
if i'd spoken then and there, my eyes would have being the talkers, and my tongue would have tasted the salt.
i haven't felt the same since you've gone. there's an emptiness where my heart use to be.
maybe one day, you'll come visit me. just to talk, that would be nice, i haven't seen you in so long.
i regret leaving you but i'm thankful that you will never leave me.
you looked like you were sleeping, only sleeping.
i thought i heard a hurried inhale but there was no quick exhale afterwards.
you looked so peaceful, i hope where ever you are, you're happy.
maybe one day i'll see you again, i'm counting down the days until i feel your warm embrace once again.
i may have some people i'd like you to meet,
i've given them my heart. i'm sure it'd feel nice to have my heart in one place again.
you took my hopes and you took my dreams and you made them that much stronger.
the stars shine so much brighter now you're with them, you're so beautiful.
in a way, i'm glad the whole world can now experience your beauty
because you had the ability to change lives.
you've affected me more than anyone else in my entire life.

alchemy.

love is the purest gold. love is the sweetest nectar.
i've longed for so long to be in the brilliance of love.
i wish not to destroy or hurt only to watch in awe.
i've found the secret to alchemy.

untitled #2

i hate near everything but i could never hate a thing about you.
i hate near everyone but i could never hate you.
i hate near everyday but the ones i'm with you.
i hate myself.

you two save me from more than you'll ever know.

untitled #1

i once read a book, leather-bound and dusty. it drew me in and i became lost
but try as i might, i cannot recall the ending to this text.
i remember the character's lines and the locations that were set
but closure eludes me, let me set the scene;

once upon a time there were these two separate lives but sharing their flesh and their blood.
two hopeless, desperate lovers. helplessly caught in an inescapable web.
neither with ill intention in mind but fate has a way of making them it's own little play thing.
many a night lost through lust and temptation, a dangerous mix of liquids.
like film, our memories wear out. we have holes and gaps and gaps and holes.
these flaws intensify until one day, the film burns out and we have nothing, not even memories.
you see, the female in this text or so we're lead on to believe, has suffered this unfortunate ailment.
forgetting all her love, her vows, her heart but the boy would not falter, he would neither turn or run away.
'if it's what it takes, i will make you fall in love with me again and again.
until i can fix that worn out film and make your memories as bright as they once were.'
though his plans crude and paper-thin, he had no doubt in his mind that his intentions were pure.
day after day he slaved for this girl, to make himself the one she adored.
he bought her flowers, like roses, her favourite scented soaps.
'you seem to know me better than i know myself.'
all was going well until the fire ran out of gas and the women began to become interest in other men.
bleeding eyes, turning from blue to black. the lovers were now not lovers.
there was a longer and an oblivious miss
but this did not break the young man beating heart, he tried and tried to get inside her head.
if i recall correctly he did so after many sleepless nights and cigarette burns.

this is where i'm at a lose, i cannot remember how it ended.
i thought to myself 'why ruin the surprise? mystery always helped my imagination along.'
so i coined a way, to put my best traits to use.
the trickery of my tongue and the subtle touches of my finger tips.
with leading roles played by us, this can never get boring.
love, to us, is never a victimless game. we've both learnt from out mistakes and know just as much as each other.
what i'm trying to get across, is i need a way to notify my leading lady that her time on-stage is drawing near.
i've turned this text to a play so the real passion, i can hear.
the title of this show is 'the beginning of the ending' because i do not wish to re-enact the hardships.
i want you and only you.
please come on-stage and say your lines with conviction.
your script is improvised because i only want to hear your heart draw a close to this play.
where it's just you and i.

wield your words like knives.

wield your words like knives. wield your words like knives.
wield your words like knives. wield your words like knives.

the only thing your empire will be remembered for is being soaked in blood.

the moon only comes out at night because it's trying to hide all the scars.
once in love with a beautiful star but now all that was love is woe.
how many nights could you stand, when all you do is sit in the sky?
have people look up at you and state 'oh my. what a beautiful sight'
and as much as it tries to hide it's scars, like a star. it still shines bright.
no matter how many times, compared to beauty. the moon knows they're not right.

let your song ring sweetly out in the pouring rain,
i cannot stop the flood my princess, it's coming at us again.
i cannot bend the water outwards but i'll beg it to go around,
but if my cries go out in vain, darling, we'll surely drown.
this town will vanish beneath the vicious water.
so deep beneath the anger of the gods, we bid farewell to our daughter.
my dear, so many families will drown but i will not let their deaths be in vain.
i swear, i'll stop the vicious rain.
my king, why do you try so hard to make the entire city drown?
from the slums to the castles to the farms and every single town?
what is it my majesty? what is it that has stolen your shine?
where has all your luster and brilliance gone? where is your holy shrine?
we've build so many monuments in your unfascist name?
but if you've lost all the wonder and love from your heart, your rule will never be the same.
oh my friends how i feel for you cause i know exactly the feeling.
whence you've become friends with a blade and it stops your wounds from healing.
is this why you feel the need to drown us underneath?
while we suffer, you're firmly gritting at your teeth.
i only ask one thing of you my king, please stop the flood
or the only thing your empire will be remembered for is being soaked in blood.

it's so beautiful when it snows, too bad it never snows here.

never dismiss the suffering, the countless pills, the promise ring.
never dismiss the bloodening, the endless spills, the painful sting.
never dismiss the suffering, the countless pills, the promise ring.
never dismiss the bloodening, the endless spills, the painful sting.

i trace hearts and stars in your palms, you stir, only to wrap an arm around me.
i smell your hair, breath you into me. i feel your lips, tender and pink.
the morning is on the brink of breaking and i'm on the verge of sleep.
paranoia and insomnia, dance within my head. they've become a friend to me.
you always said we would die young and that would be our legacy.
endless nights sitting up, watching nothing by static and reruns.
fidgeting with clothes and biting our fingers, our friend paranoia has come to pay respects
but in those rare moments when we're together and dreaming, i dream you and only you.
black swollen eyes worsen my vision. this shadowless night is lit by the moon
but i can still see you as clear as ever.
why don't you show me what you're made of? you cannot possibly be flesh and bone.
you must be made of lies coming gracefully the shamble.
it's snowing, i can see your footsteps, even if you're a ghost, you're not completely transparent.
nevertheless the question still begs to be answered; 'what are you?'
if i do not believe in you does it mean therefore your aren't?
my philosophical ramblings matched with drugs and sweat don't mix too well,
yet still i hold you sweetheart. my link you reality and sanity
and for that i thank you, no matter how lost we get.

the winter soviet.

the stars are dull yet they're still brighter than the stone your hide your heart in.
the evening sky is on fire, fighting the oncoming night and i'll tell you something;
i've never seen anything as beautiful.
protect yourself darling, there's so many bullets flying, the war is far from over,
so keep that thing inside your chest beating for me; 'for me' i said.
in reply, you said; 'i swear i will, after all you're the only person on this earth i want to have it.'
as the war raged on, the letters from home were strong 'be careful my dear, i love you so,
never leave me, please never leave me. be strong, be brave come back alive, my hero.'
the winter soviet lives inside us all.
i write my response in ink, black and bleak.
'my dear, yesterday i was caught of guard by a rouge in the bushes,
now they have their hands on my throat and their sights on my heart.
i'm sorry sweetheart but it's so fucking cold.
i'm not forgetting my problems or escaping my hole, i'm just learning new ones and digging a holes that's a new, baby.'
i am the winter soviet, the winter soviet, the winter soviet, the winter soviet.
so the story plays true time and time again, fighting for love leads to no where except defeat and failure.
the winter soviet lives inside us all.

i once knew a girl just like you, she was incredible.

i can't see the sun breaking the horizon, it seems it got lost on the journey here.
much like me, it's searching for a constant, a never-ending.
there's miles of ocean in front of me but i'm willing to swim it if i can touch the skies, i can see the sun.
i need something on my cheek and since kisses have lost their touch, i need rays of light.
my adventure isn't one told in books. it's off self-discovery and broken hearts, teenage sulking and general apathy.
it's time to evolve into the casanova i let my words portray me as.
i'm far from weak, i just indulge in self-loathing.
perhaps i should lose myself in cocaine because this addiction is doing me no good.
besides, a drug can make me forget my personal estates and i can become heartless.
like a true romeo, like a true sweet talker. i caress with words and kiss with spite.
hearts are my keepsake and i dare not break them but if i have, i'm sorry.
i can offer advice, but it's always ignored because love is a blinding poison.

'never trust your heart to anyone but yourself.
cigarettes, drugs and lust can never end well.
only a momentary high followed by a stinging, freezing low
and once your heart is broken, you'll never feel that close to someone again.'

running yourself on empty is never a good idea.

the owl hoots a sweet and pretty song, i count the notes on my teeth that leave their beaks.
the skin underneath my fingers tingle the way it use to.
this is what we've being looking for. a sonnet to the storms to guide the way.
my dear, i'm screaming at the skies to bring you back to the way you were
and while you cried out for me to stop, i couldn't help but hear the fear in your voice my dear,
why didn't i stop?
the colour of your face bled out and coloured the landscape,
i could see the eyes of creatures for miles going on and on and on.
it's a nerve-racking feeling, being starred upon by so many hungry eyes, waiting for any sign of weakness.
i have to obide by the script, like a sick shakespearean tragedy
and by crack of dawn, we'll both be lying dead on the stage, listening to a standing ovation
but why?
pretty songs with pretty notes. pretty words in pretty boats.
i could be swimming in you but instead i'm drowning.
instead i'm drowning.