repurpose cigarettes as wicks to help dimly light the way,
pile up more emotional hardship until i can finally outweigh
and become the counterbalance - brought up by the opinions others,
by the thoughts of my fake friends, false families and lovers.
starting from the very back in a race i don't expect to win,
marking the times i've stumbled by placing notches in my skin.
counting the hours for dawn to bring the end of the night,
trying to focus on better days but the sun is always too bright.
how dare i, for a moment, not fear being replaced,
believed i'd be sustained on more than merely an aftertaste.
what a laughable attempt to rid you from my mind
by destroying myself for the hundred-thousandth time.
how much more do things need to go south
before i'm left with the sweet taste of lead in my mouth?
sorry that you broke my heart but i fear it is much, much worse.
i will turn my life from a long one into one that is real terse.