maelstrom.

no matter how many times you try to subdue this fire in water, submerge it beneath the sea.
it will never stop burning, it will never flicker out again.
it will forever keep me warm as painful as it may be.
i'll craft a home for it, made of stone and concrete.
i'll kiss the ceiling every night before i rest, bask in it's glow.
and when i greet each day, pull myself up to my feet.
i will feel it burning again, i will never forget this.
use it's light to guide the way, follow it's ember to my grave.
i'll live on in the night, blindly follow what i can't obtain.
i'll let this fire burn for all to see,
i'll let it main, burn and scold me.
i'll recover from the burn, i don't care about the pain.
the burning doesn't hurt so much once i've lost that who i felt
i've failed at this game once again, i quit way too fucking early.
my eye's are pleading 'put it out!' but my heart's screaming 'let it burn!'
i guess i must endure the pain, if i don't want to forget you
but the pain i feel from this is nothing when i compare,
it to the pain within my head. it's just as broken as my heart.

'i'm sorry dear, i have failed you again and again and again
but there's one thing i can't change. my love will never end.
i hope you'll be happy without me because i'm sure as hell not.
i'm gonna be alright, it hurts, it aches, it breaks.
i bought this on myself. i'm the fuck up in all of this.
in a way, i severed the ties. i ripped the sail from mast,
i burnt every single bridge. we swore this would be different
but i'm stuck here once again.'

today, tomorrow and tomorrow, i guess it's time you know; without you i'm so alone.
the flame will keep on burning, it will never stray from my chest,
the picture in my mind is still clear, my head against your breasts.
i'll forever long to feel secure, complete and and non-obsolete.
within your chest, within your arms, within every inch of this.
i'm falling into this maelstrom of misery,
please, my seraph, save me.

untitled #5

i sit and watch, your every movement like the drought-breaking rain,
every moment my eyes are on you i feel like i'm whole again.
i imagine the skin on your fingers are just as soft as the skin on your lips.
sometimes i like to pretend that you're here with me,
and every moment we spend with one another will surpass the last.
every inch of your body, pressed tightly against my own.
we're hiding our hearts within glass rooms to protect them from the outside world
to keep them alive and beating, read for one another's hands.
i'll keep my secluded in the forest and you'll keep yours deep within the sea
and one day we both will make the journey to retrieve what is rightfully ours.
i'll carve your name into my ribcage, every bone etched with your grace,
the sickness rises swiftly, quickly reaching for my ribs
but the letters i chiselled seem to vanish evil from these parts.
where sickness was once a part of me as much as self-consciousness and doubt
the name that lies inside me now, has vanquished the entire flood.
beauty comes with such malice and a melancholy tone of voice,
such pain instilled within; that i'm determine to erase.
never recite, repeat or do over. i will not sing the same old song.
i could wash my hands a thousand times and still see the blood.
i will scale to the summit of this mountain, plant a flag and attach a note.
a note detailing the path i took and obstacles overcome
and then i'd end myself, become on with the snow and be swept away by the wind.
carried off into the skies and scattered across the lands,
filling river and dam alike.
hopefully the beauty you've entrusted within me can be passed on
and the entire world can bask in your brilliance, not that they deserve it,
but for the single moment when i crossed the bridge separating light from dark
everything was perfect, everything was beautiful and it will stay that way,
forever in my mind for eternity and then-some.

untitled #4 unfinished.

from the mouth of the ocean, the siren's voices travel downstream.
carried upon the shimmering, crystal-like waves,
the notes which bodies were thick and glistening, tip-toed over the glass-like figure of the water.
knowing that a single uneven step could pierce the dainty surface
and their age old quest to find persephone would be forever beyond grasp.
reporting back to demeter empty handed was never an option.
the beauty of their hymn was paramount only to their unparalleled visual splendour.
all the harpies of hell, guardians and the damned cannot help but awe at the creatures.
lucifer himself and the three unforgivable traitors weeped in the wake of their brilliance;
for but a single moment, pain was not foremost and those who had betrayed god, the saviour and their kindred
were able to bask in the luminous for a moment so fleeting.
yet the light was but little too warm to melt their icy imprisonments;
thus their torturous existences live on.
no longer that of a seraphim, apostle, leader or soldier but that of dolorous beings.

as the siren's song travelled from the tyrrhenian to every corner of the earth;
from the arctic to the southern, the atlantic to the pacific, the song was inescapable.
turmoil reigned supreme as man began to search for the origin of the heavenly choirs.
overcome by lust, man followed the sound blindly into the ocean,
swimming as far as their humanly vessels could possibly carry them.
as their souls and spirits ascended to heaven and their anchors floated along the surface,
they looked down at what they had left and saw the endless seas full of death and decay.
angered by their foolishness, the lost souls cried out to the heavens for absolution
but were denied.
souls shot down like shooting stars. catching clouds ablaze, falling back to earth.
the cinders fell from the sky like snow;
blackening the landscape and obscuring every identifiable landmark,
covering every feature and filling every canyon.

cigarettes.

when did these cigarettes begin to fill the holes within my hands?
the holes where i once let your hair rest.
i'll just eat some more chemicals and rest my head upon my bed,
my pillows still smell of your hair, i kept every letter you wrote.
i still have that teddy bear, that i bought for you.
he's seen everything we've ever gone through.
i'm getting so fucking tired, my wrists are part-way broken
and my fingers can't seem to guide the pencil right, any more.

i'm getting so sick, i'm tired.
yet these dreams won't let me sleep, why won't you let me sleep?
just go to sleep, just go to fucking sleep.
i don't want to be conscious any more, i don't want to have to deal with the reality any more.

how did this happen? you're so god damn gorgeous.
how did this happen, how did this happen again?
i hope when i sleep, i only, i only dream of you,
so i can pretend that my thoughts will foreshadow our future;
one day soon, these cigarettes will fall away into ash
and be replaced with your warm fingertips, laced in mine.

wishes, only wishes.

during the final hours of the day, the sunlight pierced through the ugly clouds
and the beams of light danced upon the tips of your hair.
reflected towards your face, it lit up your eyes, made your pasty white skin glow, your lips turn bright pink
and i swear, i could hear the skies cry with envy and jealousy.
the flowers and trees, the birds and the bees, everything stood in awe, they stood in awe.
as you lifted your limbs and they turned into wings and up you flew, up you flew.
you sat in the clouds and clenched at your shroud, oh how you wished it was just you and i.
i sat in my room listening to the storm, wishing for your shape, with me to be formed.

a flame can melt away wax, destroy bush and forest, tear down the buildings that we've come to admire.
yet it can bring new life, born from the ashes, deliver us heat and fuel our desires.
i'm burning alive, my heart is on fire. my chest is so warm and i'm coughing up ash,
i stare at the walls, i watch them all melt. exposing to the outside what's inside myself.
the stars are all watching, a million tiny eyes. the moon is brighter than the other night.
tonight is the night, i'm to reach the ultimate, end all my troubles and woes and hold you forever.

chapter IV - the clouds

chapter IV - the clouds

'i think too much and these words are my mind thinking too loudly.
the words are screaming at me from their disposable prison, gnawing at my thoughts.

everyone always tells stories of the 'hardships' of life.
overcoming adversities and troubles to reach the pinnacle of both one's mental and physical prowess.
'tragedy' is a word thrown around all to often in today's society,
'tragedy' and 'love' seem to go hand-in-hand.
words that once had meaning to many, now have meaning to few.
i guess the few who hold these virtues close are the outcasts.
holding onto portraits of the past. the paint degrading and chipping away.
the canvas below is slowly being exposed. as is human nature to cover up the nakedness of life
and to forever hide the exposure to the darkened winds.
these winds blow against my face, freezing my skin.
i'm so cold, so, so cold. one day, i will feel the warm embrace of the sun again
and maybe, i'll feel alive once again.
reanimate my sense of happiness, rekinder the flame that once burnt within.
my stone bones have become ash soaked and brittle, they're cracking.
the inferno within my chest has become a lone flickering light.
malnourished and failing, slowly burning away the remaining wick until there is nothing to burn,
only wax to melt.
so malleable yet so delicate, crafted by the years and chipped away by the seconds.
time isn't a healer, time isn't a destroyer. time is nothing but an illusion.
a standardised measurement but there is something there, however our minds choose to perceive it.
wounds, mental and physical are not healed by time.
they are healed by our bodies overcoming the trauma that has arisen
and i don't know how long it'll take before i can vanquish this melancholy from my body.
i once felt safest inside my head but now i only find darkness within.
black holes and demons dance about in a silent ballet that could last for eternity.
my mental dismay is to go on unheard,
the skies are fall above us and soon the cracks will begin to grow larger
and chunks will fall to this world and destroy us all.
i'm not sure what will happen, perhaps this is just my way of coping.
i'm lost many things today.
a friend, a parent, a loved one, an idol, a fool
but despite all of that i am thrust into the spotlight of the moon.
where i am to continue this charade and make decisions about other's lives
when i can't even answer questions that i ask myself.'

chapter III - the stars

chapter III - the stars

a young, naive shepard's boy caught sight of the ladder.
deciding to break suit of his mundane routine, he went investigate.
he crossed the meadows and pastures, drawing closer to the man-made marvel
but as he approached the ladder began to deteriorate into ash,
as he quickened his pace from a brisk walk to lightening fast dash.
arriving at the foot of the ladder just as the last few feet were carried off by the crisp summer breeze.
he leaned into to inspect the ashes.
encased within the remains, he saw something shimmer - a crown.
the young shepard's boy picked up the crown and hastily made his way towards the castle's gates,
where the guards brought him to a halt.
'what business do you hold commoner?' said one guard in a cold, almost robotic voice.
'i came across a this crown amongst some cinders and ash.
if i am not mistaken it is awful similar to jewel that rest upon the head of your majesty.'
the boy presented the crown in all it's golden, glowing glory.
'that sounds terribly elaborate boy! are you sure your hands are not covered in the cold blood of regicide?'
the guards took hold of the boy and dragged him into the castle.
'princess! princess!' cried the guards.
awoken from her slumber by the unholy noise that was travelling down the hallways and into her room,
the princess trudged out of her chamber and towards the main hall.
'what is it causing so much commotion? what is all the ill noise about?'
'this boy comes baring the crown of your father!'
'and you suspect murder? foul, bloody murder?'
'well, yes princess. he claims to have found it buried within ashes and burning coal.'
'release him. i know the boy well, well enough to know he has a non-violent nature and a golden heart.
speak now boy, but do not breathe a lie.'
so the Shepard boy recreated the event that had come to him obtaining the gem.
'and my father was nowhere to be seen?'
'no princess.'
'what was the source of the ashes?'
'i saw a ladder turn to dust from afar princess.'
'a ladder...?'

the events of the previous night replayed in her head.
the confession of her desire and her father's unutterable will.
the princess feel into a deep, glooming depression. black and nothing filled the void which she perceived her life as.
with her father gone and the moon sleeping, she cried.
like water from a fountain, tears began to flow. collecting within her hands like a dam.

'affection has fallen beneath the cracks in the floorboards,
gathering in pools, watching us from below.
our heartache and mistakes are a cinematic masterpiece.
yet affection, our emotions learn nothing from these experiences.
no matter how hard it is on them and their family.
but us, looking down on our emotions is hypocritical.
for no matter no many times we falter,
this prison of consciousness keeps throwing the same underhandedness and trickery at us.
to which we blindly stagger to. it's become a home for you and i...
what is life with love?
god, divine spirit? are you listening to me?
please, i need a guiding light. i need help.'